Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
