false alarm. still invincible.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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