Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
