He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
