I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
