Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
