chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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