yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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