So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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