There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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