At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
