During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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