hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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