I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
