perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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