Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
