Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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