3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Randomize
