So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
