I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
