she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
