Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize