so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
