I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
