If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
