apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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