a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize