I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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