omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
