Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize