I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
