I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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