fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
