I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
