no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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