wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
