Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize