Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize