hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
