I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
