She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
