you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
