The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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