im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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