thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
