im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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