Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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