guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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