just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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