i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
