Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He better not be in your backpack
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
