how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He did a backflip because drugs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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