Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
