wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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