From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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