I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think my moral compass just broke
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