I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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