I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
