Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
