Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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