I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize