I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You are the jesus of drinking
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
