Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
