covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
