Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
