think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
