Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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