May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
