John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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