I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
