dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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