I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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