Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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