cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
