Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
