There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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