I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
