Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
