I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
