just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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