I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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